The Skins We Lived In – Chapter 1


Character: HyunSeung and HyunA, other characters…

Genre: Psychology, Melodrama, Romance

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the storyline.

Author’s note: This idea came to me while reading “Mars” by Fuyumi Soryo, I asked myself – “What if Sei truly wasn’t dead at all?” and since then, I started to play Kopfkino (German, means Head Cinema) with some hints I could think of. The theme is very dark so it’s really too heavy for me to write in quick pace. Additionally, I yearn to write it logically with precisely psychological knowledge. So, I hope I’ll meet my own requirements >”<



Day or night? The time didn’t matter to them anymore because only while making love, the other soul that had been junctioned inside their body was temporarily disappeared. Only in this very moment, they could be true to the authentic selves that always been suppressed down to the abyss of hell. This was stupid since the beginning, obviously but it’s also crystal clear that this was the most effective way to banish all the anguishes that tortured them after those years. They enjoyed each other body parties, infatuated with each other original soul as well as despited and loved the other one.

Only HyunSeung understood how painful to live under other person’s skin and HyunA was the only person could feel the dissonance that swirling and twisting his soul like vile tree in all those years.

Between them was love but inside their embrace also the last resort that only the other could deliver.

But no matter how much they wanted to, those skins were still impossible to be shed off. And so here they were, idiotically seeking a way out in the immersed sensation of making love. The soft moaning from her and the grunting from him became the aria of salvation, so they were making love in the most tender way as if one mistaken stroke would shatter both of their souls.

The pains, the guilty, the atonement were all fucking vanished!

They had lived in other people’s skin for too long…..



Chapter 1

Smoke and Mirror




“I KNOW!!!! I KNOW!!!” – I yelled back to mom while cursing under my throat during a frantic searching for another sock with one beige and one pink sock in my hands. “Procrastinating now then panic later” seemed to be my motto all the time due to the fact – I was a lazy ass. It’s never a good habit but when instinct kicked in, no one could tell. Point was, I only had intended to sleep a little bit more this morning but unexpectedly it had took over 30 minutes more than I thought. And now, after five minutes of crazy searching all over my wardrobe, here I was storming down the stairs with one beige and one pink socks on my feet, hoping for not being noticed because both if them were in pastel shade.

Plastered in front of my eyes was the scene of a normal happy family – Daddy was reading newspaper while holding slightly a coffee cup in his other hand while Mommy was busy packing my breakfast into a small box.

I rushed to her, took the box without forgetting to peck her cheek – “You’re the best, Mom.” – I said

“BYE, MOM, DAD!!!” – I exclaimed while running to the entrance, smiled blissfully when hearing their good luck from my back for my first day of new school.

To many people, moving a lot from place to place, leaving their old habits and friends was hard to cope with, let alone for a kids but to me, I like this style of living. Dad was a successful businessman and so our family was prone too only stay in one place a year or a little more; sometimes even in other countries. Instead of feeling lost, I took them as chances to meet new people, learning new skills and earning a lot more living experiences which I strongly believed they’d be utterly useful foundation for my future novel. Being a novelist was always my dream but before I could wholeheartly embrace the path, many things must be learnt along the way and this life of us tremendously granted me exactly what I need to be.

I would love to attend a traditional Korean high school but Dad found it super complex with documents, hence I ended up in an international school. A little bit disappointed but not a big deal since my English was not bad at all; thanks to my years living abroad.

I hoped in a taxi, took advantaged of that spare time to gulp down my breakfast. Going to school with personal vehicles was not uncommon thing in here, Mom said most traditional students in Korea used bus as their main transportation. Indeed, I intended so if I was not late today, haizzz.

“Right on time” – I murmured for myself when the school entrance was shut behind only after I slid in roughly a couple of minutes. – “Thanks God!!!” – I said

Since Dad had took me here last week, I found no trouble to proceed to Teacher’s Room and quickly arrested the teacher who I was supposed to follow to my class.

“Good morning, teacher!” – I said while giving her a deep bow next to her desk. In pink pastel cardigan over white plain T-shirt, a pair of tight jean, red sneakers, hairs was tied in a high ponytail and finally dressed in floral cologne which fitted best for school, I truly hoped to make a good impression for her and the class.

“Morning. You must be HyunA.” – She smiled to me.

“I am.” – I answered. The teacher looked young, around her 30s, I guessed. Her friendliness surged in me a good feeling for this place, hoped that our time together would leave with fond memories of my last high school year.

“Follow me. I will introduce you with the class. Don’t worry. They’re all nice kids.” – She smiled again and I liked the way that sincere reached up to her eyes. Teacher’s natural make-up added to her complexion a soft and closed feeling to her student. I liked her!

My class would be 3-2, as she said the finest one because my grades were good enough to be put in. Students in this class mostly came from Euro, some Koreans but raised in other countries before returned here.

“They’re simply different from traditional young Korean kids so most of them couldn’t fit in. They ended here. Somehow I thought this school is like their refugee. But glad that they’re all good kids. You’ll like them.” – She told me while striding along the hallway.

“Yeah,” – I said cheerfully but deep down, agitation was dancing violently, clinging on the back of my head.

“Here we are.” – She said and smiled warmly to me before opening the door. After her, I braced myself with a deep breath, stately stepped in, head high, smile on lips despite how madly my hear was throbbing.

The view opened it up before my eyes, colours were what first popped up. The classroom was like a carnival of colourful citizens, blonde, brunette, dark, red, blue… somewhat perhaps I accidentally rolled in some entertainment company which full of attractive and lively trainees. Anyway, because I simply hadn’t expected to meet such diversity.

My teacher, Ms Yoon stood at her desk with me next to her – “Let me introduce our new student, Ms Kim HyunA.” – Then she turned to me, urged me to say some greeting words myself.

“Uhm… I’m Kim HyunA.” – I said and blushed madly for some guys started to whistle jokingly.

“What’s your dream, HyunA-ssi?” – Someone asked me. I quickly dashed my eyes around the bourne, endeavoured to spot where the voice had been raised but in vain. Hence fetched a sign and looked straight.

“Uhm… My dream is… buying a house on a high mountain.” – I said but secretly, I was cursing why why why I said something so odd but so honest like that in front of completely new people.

“Why?” – Another voice pressed on

“Because…. up there, people will look like… ants….” – I answered, too shy to lift my head up.

“Hey, can I stay with you?” – A male voice rang up. Something in this tone snatched me out of the embarrassment which was torturing, something cordial and serious. My head lifted up and strangely, among that heterogeneously colourful ocean, my eyes found him…

The owner of that voice was an guy, his hair was dyed light blonde and ironically, despite of his endemic Asian features, that color suited him as if he was born with it. Honestly saying, he was the prettiest guy I had ever seen in my life. So fine his lineament as if every curve of his face was the perfect stroke from God; high nose, big eyes, thin lips, flawless skin. His skin looked paler as it’s contrasted with the black T-shirt he’s on. Strange enough for his beautiful visage reminded me of a doll or a fairy that stepped out a lone, ferny dells in moor and bewitched any late coming home travellers in those fantasy stories I was always mesmerized.

The world suddenly was shut down when his eyes nailed on me, seemed that other people was yelling something but I was out of capable to hear. His eyes were bright, round like of doe and black was their shade. But no flippant reflected like he meant every words of what had been spurted. The world now only existed with that guy and I.

“HyunA?” – I was brought back with a slight jerk by teacher’s gentle nudge. Gosh, so embarrassed!!!

“She likes you HyunSeung.” – The class bursted out with joking comment. That guy, so his name was HyunSeung, so he’s Korean, difficultly to fit in normal school…. HyunSeung turned to his friends and laughed hard but that joy didn’t reach his eyes… I shook my head to free it from silly delusions about the guy I had just met.

“Okay, okay, guys!!!.” – Ms Yoon said out loud to calm her class down while scanning a seat for me.

“Hm… Seem you have no choice but sitting next to HyunSeung.” – She said after 30 seconds.

“It’s okay. I’m fine!” – I gave her a brief nod then strode to the seat on his left side. HyunSeung smirked at me when I sat down beside him, giving me his hand for a friendly shake, which I took it with the same polite manner. And again, I sensed something hollowed in those beautiful spheres of him, something inexpressible.

“Jang HyunSeung.” – He said, remained skilfully a smile on that dashing face.

“Kim HyunA. Nice to meet you!” – I responded accordingly.

He grinned back.Truly, in such closed gap, he appeared even more captivated than when I had stood up there and looked down.




First break time came at last and before I noticed, HyunSeung was out of the sight like he hadn’t walked away but vanished in thin air. I threw my eyes around the room and found his figure with a redhead guy at the entrance. As sensing my gaze, he darted his eyes back to me, flicked his chin toward me with a smirk to indicate his acknowledge of my gaze. His action brought attention of the guy who was facing his back to me. He turned around and winked.  Weirdly, encountered such a attractive face, warmness didn’t make its visit to my cheeks but a mixture feeling presented, such a likeable guy yet intimidated in the way he stared with those eyes, mayhap owning to his different eye colors, one blue and one dark, I thought. This was the first time I saw a person possessed eyes like.. a cat… Then he turned back to HyunSeung, said something that made the shorter one shook his head resignedly.

“HyunSeung and Vince were such sexy guys, right?”

I looked up to meet a very nice looking lady, a Western one with long straight brown hair and sexy curves couldn’t be hidden under tight top and short skirt. However, her attitude seemed to be not relaxed for some reason that I conjectured must involve to one of the guys or both.

“Which one you want me to stay away?” – I shot back, whining silently for a typical antagonist in any romantic story which more than often, this detail was questioned in me that why an evil mind always in need.

“Vince!” – Her eyes glared to me.

“Jane, Vince is V’s!” – A guffaw from my left announced a appearance of a new character in this story. In my eyes now was a tall guy, lovely visage and though not able to be considered as handsome to beautiful, his warm eyes was sending friendliness which I guessed reliable. Typical funny guy was often the main character’s best friend and natural foe of main sub-female lead.

Noticed me, he looked straight into my face, introduced himself with a wide grin – “Son DongWoon.”

“Nice to meet you.” –  I said.

“It’s none of your business!” – Hissed Jane to this sweet guy, who undoubtedly saved my ass from bullshit in my first day at this school. I looked up and not so hard to see fire was blazing between her eyes as a small child was pointed out her weakness.

“Of course, just acting a good classmate.” – He shrugged nonchalantly to her threatening.

Furiously, the girl swirled away after not forgetting to shot at me her last warning glare, though I found it childish instead of being intimidated. That flirting wink from the Vince guy indeed was a more complicated one. I couldn’t help but exhale tiredly, my life would be so miserable if this type of kiddy would roam in and out everyday.

“Ignore her. Jane is like a barking… you-know-what. She’s infatuated with Vince but the guy doesn’t care about her.” – DongWoon explained with humour in his tone as if he was laughing at her expense.

Awkwardness accompanied us in a couple of minutes before DongWoon asked – “I thought you want to know more about HyunSeung.”

“I don’t know if I want it.” – I replied honestly. In him, I sensed dissonance which provoked the nerves of my deepest blot, the one I scarcely dared to bring up.

The guy titled his head a bit, trying to figure out the puzzle in my sentence. Acknowledged it, I waved my hand, saying – “Forget it!”

“By the way, is there photography club in this school?” – I changed the subject.

“Of course, the Vince over there is Photography club’s leader.” – His eyes darted to the redhead.

“Vince…” – This name sounded very familiar to me, and an idea dawned in me. Quickly I asked – “Vincenté Vasilis?”

“Ah ha, you know him?”

“OMG!!! He’s very famous in semi-pro photography field, a raising star with his stunning photos. Especially pictures of his muse… But he’s never showed off his face so I had no idea he’s such a sexy guy. Anyway, isn’t he living in Euro…” – Before realized, I caught myself in a pursuit of my own thoughts as they reeled like a movie inside. The comprehension put me in awe, I guessed my face would be so funny at the moment. He’s my idol, but he didn’t manifest image of nice guy… mayhap.

“Has just moved here a couple of months, said nothing about it but rumour spread out that  Valar got things to run in Korea. Don’t worry. Vince is a nice person. And the best thing is no flirting despite of that handsome face and talent. Gals like Jane drooled over him, hahaha.” – DongWoon laughed.

“Valar is the V you said earlier?”

“Yeah. His girlfriend. She sometimes visits our club. True beauty but rose always has thorns! Tell you what? This rose has toooooooooooooooo many thorns!”

HyunSeung in the far corner of my eyes was waving goodbye to Vince and started to glide to our spot. His intense gaze heartened my face.

“Talking about me? Or Vince?” – Asked HyunSeung, his lips seemed to always able to maintain that shape of crescent.

“Both.” – Said YoSeob, putting his word.

“I asked DongWoon-ssi about Photography club, that’s all.” – My mouth again today was unable to governed. Really, have to admit that we’re here gossiping about them was utterly embarrassed, especially in my first day. Building a good network was my goal which for now I was not sure if HyunSeung should have a slot. This allured boy turned every sensitive nerve of mine on whenever he was near with his gaze, specifically, the inexplainable nuances dwelled under that smooth skin.

“Ah…Let me ask you one thing. Do you really like photography?” – He asked, his tone elicited in me a feeling of being interrogated despite of its fervent hint, I still cordially hated it.

“It’s not your issue. Am I right?” – Said I, words stumbled uncensored.

“Hahahaha…” – HyunSeung laughed, revealed his snagged-tooth which added more charm on that face. Okay, admittedly, I envied.

“Look, Vince has little fondness for irksome people who yearn for attention via their photos as proofs of being superior.” – The way he explained to me sounded like a homily, his lips was quivering slightly to stifle the amusement underneath. I wondered my response was that funny??!?! – “If you really love it, then I can introduce you to Vince. He’s a good instructor. Don’t listen to this guy, V is jealous but she’s not an irrational person. By the way, Vince won’t do anything suspicious to intrigue scandal.” – Halted there, he glanced to DongWoon who was pretending to not hear anything right next to him. A smirk again appeared on his face.

“Really?” – Agitated tone betrayed my calm posture.

He nodded – “I can backstab anyone but him.” – Winked and grinned but a chill still creeped up my spine with his sentence.

“Huh?” – I inhaled sharply with an O shape mouth and widen eyes…


DongWoon fell on his back while HyungSeung lay on the table, head buried in his folding arms, shoulders trembling uncontrolledly, laughing like crazy while my face’s expression slowly changed from normal to paler shade and finally completely transformed into the sun was setting color… Everyone’s head, without announcement already turned this direction of us. I knew it T_____T My face must look like a clown with that “endemic” expression, additionally, he had been joked around.

“You guys…” – I finally fetched out a sigh under a white flag in front of them. My first day at this school was absolutely… racy.




I told HyunSeung today my parents wanted my appearance at home right after school, thus tomorrow I’ll meet Vince. He just shrugged and said goodbye. In fact, I lied to him for two reasons. Firstly, since brand new to Seoul after several years, roaming the city alone with a camera in hands would be so much cozy. Photography was not my hobby from beginning but 4 years ago, after HyunYu’s accident, I started to pick up her hobby and gradually to eventually ended up with in love with capturing special moments and fascinated images of nature and life itself. Through years, I had collected for myself a big folder of photos of where my family had passed as well as people in those places. That’s why I loved Vince’s works, every image of his represented his soul and oftentimes, the young man ignored regular rules hence successfully created many mesmerised photos.

Secondly, I’d not yet wanted to be closed to HyunSeung. Beyond my comprehension, it felt like losing mental equilibrium whenever his eyes swept over me. Honestly saying, his being reminded me so much about memories of HyunYu….

After one hour walking around the city’s centre, my feet led me back to where my new house was dwelling and when traversing a small alley, a painful sound intruded my peacefulness.

In front of my eyes, a small group of five to six men were gathering, three crouching on the hard earth, one facing his face to me and the other sitting on the trash bin. Seemed to sense my present, the sitting one turned his head to me and the familiar pretty face smiled to me nonchalantly. With such a person who had witnessed countless bullies, my feet were questionably numbed as gluing my eyes to his emotionless ones, seeing them reflected myself through smokes…/..


Author’s note: Hi guys, this is my first endeavour to write a fiction in the first-person view to refresh myself. Honestly saying, as person who has planet Mercury landed in 3rd House astrologically, I must fly from one to another thing to keep everything in fervid level. 

So I am here waiting for you guys’ strict comments with hope to be able to improve my writing.

Deeply appreciation from me!


[One-shot] Tranquility


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Author’s note: A short story was inspired by HyunA’s song – Tranquility. I believe this song was written dedicated for Jang HyunSeung, not because of the lyrics but the way she sang it.

This is a rating M story. You’re warned!


Amongst the creamy sheet, he kept her in his arms, gently cafúne with one hand wrapped around her tiny waist, intently listening to the words she was about to say.

“Oppa, are you angry when I say I’d love to keep our love as our own privity?” –  She asked, titled her head aside slightly while gluing her gaze to his opened souls. – “I mean it’s not I don’t want everybody know we’re a couple, but I think it’s better…”

How pretty she was without those heavy make-up layers… She shone out with her pure orbs that were not shrouded by the bold eyeliners, the creepily thick eyelashes, the gray contact lenses and blood-stain lips… How delicious she was right at this moment… Her bliss filled eyes met his as HyunSeung smiled and traced her lush lips gently with his thumb before they found each other in a warm embrace.

In that intimacy she heard the whisper of her own sense, that he had heard all the words she had said and understood all the ones she couldn’t have.




HyunSeung was sitting with Rado at a random cafe shop when the sun already hid his face long ago. The young man didn’t have many people who he could tag them under the label “Friends” to hangout, to trade big talks and circle around topics them mutually shared  interesting.

“Hey, is it Hyuna’s new song?” – Rado said when the cafe’s music suddenly sounded her 5th song in her newest solo album. The song she once texted him only to say – “For you.”

HyunSeung didn’t answered Rado’s question for his mind was catapulted back to every fond memories HyunA and him had been done together, as vividly as he was walking back that moment and saw her beautiful face again through his own eyes.

“You know, idol love is something very ephemeral but I’m glad you guys nailed it.” – Rado said but smile was the only feedback he could respond to his friend’s comment.

“You know, hyung. I miss her, like… so much” – He halted, reluctantly choosing the next exact words to complete his chain – “… and I’m also upset with myself when I can’t be with her physically in such hard time like this. Our free time almost never crosses and… it’s not easy to sneak into her house under our fans’ eagle eyes.”

“She’s a strong and understanding young woman. You know it.” – Rado said, his voice was full of assurance.

“Indeed. But that’s not mean we can only rely on soul bonds, through text, message and phone calls. Like her, I long for being with her… You know, sometimes, I’m jealous with her manager…” – HyunSeung smirked ghostly and though his silly bittersweetness didn’t linger long, Rado still could sense how much this young man was into his girl.

“How about you? I mean your schedules.” – Rado changed the subject.

“We’re preparing for our tour. 3 words, busy like hell. Everyday from morning to over midnight…” – HyunSeung answered and almost like immediately, he felt like he had bitten the tip of his own tongue when her words from his memories assaulted his mind – “You’re always busy.” – forlornly but understandingly.

What could he do? What could they do?

Why was it still hurt like multilative work while they’re well aware of it since the beginning?



10 hours ago…

“HyunA, why don’t you perform Tranquility? I think that’s the best one you’ve ever sung.” – Like suddenly realized her words sounded offended, Jia frantically explained – “Don’t get me wrong. You’ve always slain the audiences but this song, very emotional and I was fascinated by its undescribable gentleness. The way you sang, moved my heart.”

HyunA smiled blissfully and titled her head aside a bit – “Because it’s a secret.” – Then she winked and laughed – “Just kidding. I can’t perform that song, really. It’s impossible for me to show the world my softest spot.” – The girl then sticked out her tongue and rolled her eyes cutely.

“Then why don’t you just invite him to stand secretly among the audiences to boost your romantic moods.” – Amber said provokingly,

“Huh? Who?” – HyunA exclaimed

“HyunA baby, you really think you’re that low-profile? Your love for him was written on your face.” – Amber threw to her petite friend a contemptuous look, as if the world had already acknowledged the couple.

“Obviously?” – HyunA asked cutely

“Like under the brightest day.” – The tomboy confirmed

“Anyway, you do not look healthy today. Are you ok?” – Jia said

“Yeah but we’re not stranger to these kinds of issue, are we?” – HyunA smiled toward her friends and in their eyes, she spotted both empathy and caring. This world was cruel yet beautiful, wasn’t it?



6 hours ago…

“HyunSeungie, can you drop your damn phone and focus?” – DooJoon’s voice was leader-toned when he again reminded the most distracted member to back to their vocal practice. Honestly, HyunSeung never forgot to sing his part in right timing with his full strength but DooJoon still could easily feel the blonde’s soul only stay halfway here and it’s somehow annoyed him.

Slowly, HyunSeung looked up and tugged the phone inside his pant’s pocket while his mind had completely drifted away. His worry for her mushroomed out of control, all followed the message he had just received from her manager – “HyunA caught a cold today. I guess I’d let you know.

DooJoon was a bit surprised by HyunSeung’s attitude, the young man would have shown he had been like biting back his retort whenever he was scolded. Instead, he only behaved quietly but DooJoon realized, the man had been far from here already.

The training section ran smoothly… until…

“DooJoon, I have an important issue today. I wanna go home earlier, just today.”

Determination was twinkling in HyunSeung’s eyes when DooJoon looked straight into that big doe spheres. Reluctantly but firmly, BEAST’s leader nodded. Whenever HyunSeung showed this face to him, it meant no waving.



3 hours ago…

HyunA walked back from her perfect stages with Run & Run and Get out of my house. Everything was flawless, except her. The song was called Get out of my house and had nothing of him then why her heart felt so painful with desperation to be with him?

Everybody around her in waiting room was cheering for her amazing performance, their lips was moving fiercely then why this world seemed so distant?

Quickly, her feet brought her slide into her fitting room to prevent herself from seeing as a weak being. She hated herself being down to this level of sensitiveness whenever not feeling well.

She missed him, dearly. It’s kind of silly when the urge to cry was bubbling up inside her heart. This was not the first time she got sick during solo promotion campaign and definitely not the last time but then why this feeling so unbearable.

Then the missing sneaked out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks even before HyunA could unconsciously swallow it back inside. The only thing that conquered her mind at this moment was nothing but a sweet curse toward that specific person – “Damn you Jang HyunSeung, now you made me like a drama queen.”

HyunA looked around the temporary fitting room with hope for something to wipe away the slightly ruined make-up but when nothing could prove its usefulness, she stepped out with an awkwardly weak smile, responded to those surprised eyes that were shooting at her – “I’m sorry. I’m just too tired.”

“Come on, I’ll take you home. You can lean on my shoulder.” – Oh Song Song manager said softly.

“Thank you.” – Another fainted smile appeared on the corner of her lips.

HyunA asked another staff take their photo from behind while they’re striding on the hallway. Though she’s well aware of Oh Song Song’s kindness was nothing beside his great sense of responsibility but it’s enough for her to feel thankful to the man. Her busy schedules costed him a lot of time with his family and girlfriend but not a single time neglect showed up. Bore that in mind, HyunA uploaded the photo which she leaning on his shoulder on her Instagram with caption that conveyed her true thoughts…. “Oh Song Song. Thank you. I’m really appreciated for what you did to me.”

When they had been already inside the car, the need to see HyunSeung’s playful face was still bubbling up as if HyunA felt like she was about being choked by the need.

“I miss you so much. When will I see you?” – She whispered with an almost-soundless voice only for her to hear.

“HyunA-ssi, do you want something?” – Her manager asked while not tearing his gaze of the road.

Seoul’s night time was as busy as several hours ago as HyunA absently watching people passed by and smirked faintly with her own crazy thoughts, that by any divine chance, she could catch his glimpse outside. It’s stupid for she knew exactly where she could head to see the visage her heart was yearning but sometimes, the mind had its own wicked game when the soul was at most vulnerable.

“All I ever want now is the day will pass.” – She answered after a long moment.

“We need some medicines for you.” – Oh manager said

“I have some at home. Just please get me home.” – From the moment she had entered the car to now, HyunA still kept her eyes out of the window in a hope to not let him detect some sparking particles were shining in her big doe spheres. Not this man, the one she could cry out her soul in front of.

Even when they were at her door, Oh manager still one more time repeated his concern of what she did want and the answer was still a brief head shaking.

But at the moment she opened the door, the creamy light inside suddenly blinded her sight; not because it’s too strong but she hadn’t never forgotten to turn indoor light off if she was not around. And the most important was there was only other knew her apartment’s security code…

Oh Song Song nudged her gently from behind and HyunA replied his kindness with a happy smile – “Thank you, oppa.” – Without a sound for bliss was radiating from her like heat from the sun in the most brilliant day.

He smiled – “Come on. Your medicine is waiting for you.”

HyunA rushed in and when the door was closed behind, she found herself was circled in a tight embrace and a familiar scent penetrated her sense. Sometimes, there were moments in life, a single hug held all she ever needed.

How her bursted-forth moans became the poetic symphony as his touches turned her body into a pyre. Every time they held each other captive with piercing stare, how her words penetrated and seduced his soul holding his prisoner. Long fingers curled, porcelain flesh marred by his kisses as each breath quickened. His touch held her hostage, provoking the promised of pleasure to come, to consume her before the night was over.

Her back arched while her hip instinctively bucked up slightly toward him with the sweet sensation that was provided by his kisses over her most secret spot as her fingers entwined with his tightly. In this floating universe, through up and down, nothing could have a chance to take a step in.

His tongue, like a snake, crawling up and down her very skins before sneaking its way to the moist and hot cavern. Hovering over above was her soft moaning, sounded too good to be true, the sound he yearned daily since they had been separated.

“Uhmm…. uh…. uhmmm…” – Volume was not maintained in its safe ample for she knew he loved it and HyunAh also wanted the guy to know she loved his way dearly. Her hot core was dominating roughly by his strong sucking, lifted her up to somewhere out of this world.

“Seungie ah….. I…… need…. you…” – She managed to blurt out between his assaulting. Yes, she needed him to become one with her. They were here to indulge themselves with love.

With one last tongue lash, HyunSeung crawled back to her, giving her an intense kiss while slowly claiming her his own. Her embrace was stronger with every inch of him was nudging in.

“God…..” – She thought, unable to spit out any sound since his lips and tongue was clogging her mouth.

HyunSeung didn’t move gently but aligned further on the rough side of the spectrum because they both liked it a bit wild in their love making. The girl trapped him tightly with her limbs, asking him to be more fiercely in his rhythm while his hand was, in opposite fashion, tenderly massaging her bust.

Her slender fingers slid up to his Adam’s apple before crashing her lips on it and between his quickened breaths, she could hear another lustful sound lurked in as if he was under an enchanted spell.

“HyunAh… I can‘t have… enough of you…” – Words of lust were dripping from his tongue. Each one stroking the flame within her mind and igniting a flame underneath her skin as they dance on the edge of pure pleasure. His hand went under her bottom and pushed them up to feel her even deeper, satisfied themselves from the thirst of each other.

An intoxicated smile touched her face, adding a new layer of over-indulged sensation over the natural sexy features that he only could whine secretly before claiming her lips once again…

They laid in bed and watched the day gradually passed by. They kissed and they kissed again until no other taste was made sense and no longer they acknowledged the pattern of the day as they fell in love with the colours and the world between each other’s eyes.

“You know, the only thing I ever want is to be with you everyday. Fuck the schedules and hold you in my arms all day.” – His sincere voice hovered her head as she closed her eyes to feel his lips pressing on her forehead.

Oftentimes, the conversations between her fingers and his bare skin were the most raw, honest and real. That’s when he buried her warmness inside his chest as she lay her head upon his chest, his heart beat to a tune that soothed her soul.

“First, don’t wake up before me.

Because I’ll prepare delicious breakfast for you.

We will take shower together then join the meal.

What’s else you love to do with me?

Doesn’t matter what they are, as long as with you, they’re worth trying.

So right now I want you to know.

It’s so peaceful to be here

In you arms

 I find tranquility.”

– Fin – 

[One-shot] Summertime Warmness 


, , , , ,

Rating: PG-13
Characters: Kim Hyuna, Jang Hyunseung
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my story.


Hyuna attached her eyes to the iPad’s screen, though this usual hour was supposed to be sleeping time – 12:30 AM. Summertime was never the period for deep sleep indeed; with many Korean, they even went outside and put themselves in small tents that were set by the river’s bank in order for a hope of better sleep. The heat of this most annoyed season somehow was by far more terrible than cold of Korean crispy winter; at least with her. But strangely, when the slumber pulled her down into its unconsciousness, she always found herself cuddling like a small kitten in his warm embrace, where the sound of his gentle heartbeats was the most euphonious lullaby for her only.

But tonight stood out.

Hyuna removed her gaze from the only light source to the tight-sleeping man next to her. Safe and sound… tenderly pressed her lips on his, carefully enough to not wake him up.

The young woman’s brow furrowed a bit when her lips received an abnormal warmth from his slightly rough skin, his scent was still comfortable to her as always though. Hyuna stayed still on his lips for a short moment, inhaled his smell-so-good breath brushing subtly on her skin. The heat in his breath matched with his lips, where she was, with her most fond affection, intently licking wet his lips. The fever drained out the softness of his skin and Hyuna disliked it, truly. Not even a single thread she wanted to see him suffer with the pain from lips cracking in the next morning.

So every hour, roughly, the still stay-up one, she, would take care of her own sanctuary. Hyunseung had looked at her confusingly with the question had been dancing on his face, of why she hadn’t simply used lipbalm. And she had answered – “Because I like so.”

“You have so much free time!” – His attitude had told her so right at when the last sound had escaped her mouth but it had been immediately exchanged with – Let’s say you wanna kiss me.” when he had seen her sulky face.

Hyunseung had smiled playfully then closing the gap between them, but before their lips had met, he had said – “I wanna kiss you but you’ll definitely catch the cold. So…” and he had withdrawn his face from hers. The sorrow expression had been displayed on his face but better than anyone else, she could sense the mischievous glint had been glittering in his pretty eyes.

“I don’t mind.” – She had confirmed, thrown her arms around his neck and pulled him into an enchanted dance of their wet and hungry tongue.

Hyuna hadn’t had to wait long to feel herself falling into his warm chest, the moment their kiss had been deepened to a level that she had known, soon, very soon, their lungs would wrestle for fresh air. But she hadn’t ever minded that fact because being singers indeed had its particular benefits, one of them was longer breath-holding, which granted for them chances to enjoy the candy-like taste when their lips were glued together longer than other people. Like this.

They kissed so many times since the moment he had confessed to her but this sensation never worn old and honestly, she loved his soft moan when he was so much into it.

That was what had happened here, on this bed one hour ago before HyunSeung slept soundly next to her. Hyuna parted from his lips with deep care was reflecting from her eyes, from the heat that her lips received, HyunSeung’s fever hadn’t decreased yet. The young woman hadn’t told him that she loved to check his temperature intimately.

Hyuna went back to her new solo album teaser and chatting with Ihoon of BTOB.

“Noona, which part you want me to upload?” – He typed

“Uhm.. the part I was trying to get a lift in the middle of nowhere.” – She answered

“Huh? Isn’t that part is a bit further than the first part that you posted?” 

“The second will be posted on Hyunseung oppa’s Instagram.” – She said

“Huh? Noona, you really wanna come out? :O ”

“It’s not a secret, isn’t it? =]]]]]”  

“Erh… Anyway, did he say anything about the teaser?”

“The topless scene, you mean?”

“Yes… oh and the scene you were about kissing a man, too.”

“He said as long as it’s not frontal nude. If yes, then he must be my cover =]]]] About the kissing scene, I didn’t kiss him.” – Hyuna found herself giggle with her own confession.

“Seriously? :O :O :O :O”


“Oh my God, Hyunseung hyung is so cool!!!!”

She swore to God she could hear his shriek was echoed from the text. Her Hyunseungie, of course, was a very cool guy. He’s cool the way he was, such didn’t give a shit to haters who constantly bashed him and specially cruelly threw harsh words to her image. He’s so cool when not give up their love through hard time, even when she had thought there’s no hope for them to go on. Despite his cute appearance, the man was never been regarded as romantic lover for his unfamiliar to sweet words but who needed sound if they both could undress each other’s mind and made love mentally non-stop.

Hyuna grasped his phone and quickly played his Instagram. A smile brightened her sleepy face while scanning his profile page, so similar to her. – “We’re starting to be one, aren’t we?” – Bliss poured out with every syllable she muttered to herself.

Silently, Hyuna cut her the second part of her teaser and uploaded it on his Instagram but halted before the final step. A playful idea popped up in her mind that couldn’t stop her to giggle a little. Perhaps, it’d be funnier if she would publish this post in front of his eyes in the morning ~

Wasn’t it sweeter if his eyes would be widen cutely then sighed resignedly and let her do whatever she found interested? Zenosyne existed in every moment they’re together and it’d be deep regret if she just couldn’t treasure every second of it.

Yeah… It must be so!!!

Quietly, she slipped out of their bed to get her shea butter lipbalm on the desk, then gently applied a thin coat on his lips before repeated for herself…

The last thing Hyuna felt was this year’s summer strangely warm when she lied down and cuddling in his chest… Tomorrow would be a very busy day because she must force everyone to promote for her next album, include him – her Jang Hyunseung – her querencia.



Author’s Note: I guess I’m suffering nyctophilia because most of my short stories were begun at night… specifically at midnight.

Lảm nhảm về fanfic



Nhân dịp có người hỏi mình rằng chừng nào ra chương mới cho Private Emotion và hy vọng không phải tiếp tục chờ 6 tháng để đọc tiếp… Mình cũng muốn lảm nhảm đôi chút vào một ngày lười biếng đến đỉnh điểm như hôm nay :p

Mình chẳng bao giờ muốn bỏ dở nửa chừng bất kỳ fiction nào mình đã bắt đầu viết nhưng đôi khi lại thiếu đi cảm xúc để chấp bút. Mình từng đọc đâu đó rằng “Đừng chờ cảm hứng để làm việc. Bạn sẽ chẳng đi tới đâu với kiểu vậy.” Mình hoàn toàn nhất trí nhưng giữa nghe, hiểu và làm theo được lại là một câu chuyện hoàn toàn chẳng liên quan gì nhau hết. Cho nên dù trong đầu đã có sẵn bản đồ cho Private Emotion, mình vẫn viết cực kỳ chậm.

Mình quá ham hố. Là một hoạ sĩ với công việc khá kỳ lạ – trang điểm cho ABJD (Asian Ball Jointed Doll), dường như cả ngày mặt mình chỉ cắm cúi vào những khuôn mặt nhỏ xíu đó mà vẽ và tô; đặc biệt vào một số thời điểm trong năm, ngày nào mình cũng gào lên vì khách hàng hối mà mình vẽ hoài vẫn chưa ưng ý. Đó là chưa kể mỗi ngày mình còn phải gánh chịu những ánh nhìn đầy đe doạ từ đám sách chưa đọc trên kệ, như thể chúng nó luôn nói với mình rằng – “Cô liệu mà đọc chúng tôi ngay không thì bảo?” Mình muốn lắm chứ, nhưng mà cứ đọc hết một cuốn, mình lại lôi ba bốn cuốn khác về TT_____TT


Thôi nói qua chuyện khác, cũng có người hỏi mình sao toàn viết fiction bằng tiếng Anh vậy? Uhm… thì… tại văn phong tiếng Việt của mình thực rất gớm, hồi nhỏ học Văn điểm thấp vô cùng, lớn lên khá khá chút nhưng chỉ dừng lại ở mức không bị lủng củng thôi, chứ kêu viết truyện lại là niềm đau mãi giấu sâu thiệt sâu… Thật đấy, chả phải mình tỏ vẻ ta đây gì đâu TT____TT Vả lại, Windy và Firefly viết quá tuyệt vời rồi, mình viết chi cho mệt, ngồi đọc của họ thích hơn nhiều 😀 Có lần mình nói với Windy – “Hay là nàng dịch fic của mình đi…” Kết quả là được nửa chương hoặc một hai đoạn ngắn vì Windy bảo “Thôi lười lắm! Mệt chết được.” Cũng phải, vì nếu đã làm, chắc chắn nàng ấy sẽ cực kỳ kỹ tính TT______TT

Lại có người hỏi, ngoài 2hyun ra mình có ship đôi nào khác không? Hay ship HyunA hoặc HyunSeung với ai khác? Câu trả lời là KHÔNG! Mình không ship lung tung nếu cả lý trí (dựa trên bằng chứng) và trực giác của mình không cho ra cùng một đáp án. Mình ship 2hyun bắt đầu từ thời NOW chứ không phải ngay khi họ mới debut TroubleMaker 2011. Lý do? Vì hồi năm 2011, giữa hai đứa nó không có chút chemistry lãng mạn nào! Trước NOW mình chỉ thích Jang-bánh-bao chứ chưa chú ý gì đặc biệt cô Kim tửng cả :p

Thôi kết thúc lảm nhảm bằng việc khoe khoang tý là có độc giả muốn viết một loạt one-shot dựa trên Private Emotion vì thấy vui ghê ^^

[PE – C10] Wicked Game


, , , ,


It’s 4:10 AM and HyunSeung was unable to fall asleep again. The nurse had been long gone after taking his blood sample but her words still lingered intently or he could say, they refused to take a leave out of his mind, added more hunger of the devil devouring his very soul.

“Your sister? She must love you so much. Treasure her!”

“It is.” – His lips murmured softly while caressing her pretty lips. Gently, his fingers lifted up her chin for a small kiss before as tenderly as possible then nudged her tightly inside their embrace.

The beeping sound of some machine echoed back and forth in the dark, slowly matched the rhythm of his own heart and HyunSeung for the first time, was afraid of himself.

For her… for them… He was ready to set everything lie at his own feet.



“What will you do next?”

“I don’t know. This morning, Seungie asked me to believe in everything he would do and stay blind. I really wonder what he meant… But this time, nothing can stand between us.” – Even herself could feel her own voice trailed along with her uncertainties. HyunSeung, her twin brother, when he determined to achieve something, unlikely she had ability to throw a stone that big enough to halt his way, let alone block the path. Thus, staying blind perhaps was her only option… Just deep down, she hoped… no one would get hurt… badly…

“Don’t you believe him?” – JiYoon asked

“In contrast indeed. Did I tell you our first trip to Seoul Amusement park?” – The petite girl said

“Not yet.”

“Uhm… That’s what happened when we’re eight. I really wanted to go to Amusement Park but Mom and Dad only promised “Next weekend”. I repeated my wish every day whenever we passed it on the way to school. You know, I still remember – eight next-weeks as they told me. HyunSeung, otherwise, said nothing. One day, when they dropped us at the school entrance, HyunSeung prevented me from going inside but stayed and waved goodbye until their car was out of sight. Then…” – The fond memories flooded back to HyunAh, those childhood sweet moments that always lingered in her mind vividly as if she, herself, walked back to that day.

“… then he turned to me, asked if I wanna go to amusement park with him. I was very worried but it was washed away with excitement. That day, one of my best…” – She paused… a gentle smile curved her beautiful lips.

“Didn’t your parents look for you guys?”

“Of course they did.” – HyunAh giggled without looking at her friend. – “I hadn’t seen them that angry before when we got home. It’s the first time HyunSeung got punishment but he seemed no care….. I told him i’m sorry but he just scrubbed my head tenderly. You know, Dad hit him real hard!”

Reluctantly, she narrowed her eyes as if whether or not the next sentence should be stated… HyunAh pressed hard her pale lips before she decided to press down the lump that was stuck in her throat – “Whenever he wants something, permission is not needed.”

“Uhm…” – JiYoon sighed heavily, indeed, this question, their affair was not her desire to know. Unlike YoSeob, who could be with his best friend no matter what, through right and wrong, as the quote “Best friend won’t let you do stupid things… alone.”, JiYoon still found it hard to accept her best friend’s affair.

Without averting her gaze to the friend next to her, HyunAh, still locked her view on the busy and lively scene of their school yard, asked – “Are you trying to not ask me why, right? I know you’ve wanted to ask this for a long time.”

Needed no answer, she went on – “I do not know either. But I know, not recently I feel for him but since the moment we were born together. We’re meant to be.”

From their spot, JiYoon could record the whole yard in her view. Their schoolmates, happily running around the sun-kissed field while they, two teenaged girls, were hiding in the shade of the main building’s shade, talking about unbelievable problem. How contradict!

“I still haven’t understood how. He’s your brother. I can’t imagine someday I could love my brother or even my cousin. You know… it’s impossible.” – She said, narrowing her eyes to block a part of the irritation came from the bright above.

“Maybe… from the beginning, we haven’t thought about each other as siblings…”

JiYoon exhaled heavily for her mind was trapped inside the speechless section, for this concept was beyond casual norms that could be comprehended in some sentences.

“I don’t know what I should do now, Ah ah… I’d love to help you, I did but I can’t think straight…” – JIYoon, turned her gaze back to HyunAh, honesty radiated from her young face vividly.

“Then don’t… when I broke down and you held me in your arms. That’s enough!” – HyunAh said and pulled her friend into a warm embrace – “Thank you!” – She whispered while her memories recalled short words she accidentally eavesdropped this morning… words so unnerved… as the fear bubbled up inside her soul.

Bye, Papa… – Seungie said via his phone.



Thank God for blessing him with a remote room which sat in the farthest corner of this hospital. The quiet atmosphere yet full of warm sunlight granted on him enough fuel for clear thinking. For the first time in his long period of dipping himself in his own nyctophilia, the boy enjoyed otherwise.

HyunSeung hastened his eyes to the window, where burned golden streaks of late morning was clawing to his bed. The slight heat of them brought demanded warmth on his skin, somehow reminded him of his wonderwall’s burning touches.

He stayed silent, his thin pale lips pressed hard on each other. If anyone, by chance, got his visage of this moment might think the boy’s expression was set in barely concealed anger but no one could guess… He was scheming for a perfect plan to their abditory.

Piece by piece, HyunSeung rearranged the chaotic mosaic in his mind, plugged out nonsense ideas and polished the useful ones until a ghostly satisfied glint appeared through his beautiful sparkling orbs. A bitter mirth appeared then left his face, and it was like a shadow passing over the sun. Then that faintest smile returned, slightly sobered.

“I’m back!!!” – Her euphonious sound rang his quiescent space and swirled him out of his very thoughts.

He snapped up to her, blinked and smiled, watching her petite frame settled down next to his spot.

“Well, well… I haven’t known you started to dump the class. Tell me, why?” – HyunSeung asked her and cafuné gently.

Her eyes flared with sparkles, grinning mischievously then said – “Basorexia, I found it like an addiction.”

“Tsk tsk…” – He chuckled but still not deny her sweet command.

HyunAh closed her eyes, let all of her senses lose in the warmth of his touch, his tongue and his feathered smell-so-good breaths. His slightly rough hand caressed her cheek while his tongue entwined with her, left her lungs scream out for a new refill of oxygen.

The girl responded, kissing him deeply as if seeking the reassurance from his tender, as if this softness would push away the thought of Seungie would hurt their mom in order for them to be together.

Honestly saying, she always loved it when HyunSeung pressed his lips gently on both of her lips’ corner to end their kiss.

Once parted, he gathered her in his arms and held her tightly, resting his cheek on her dark hair. She slipped her arms around his waist and breathed in his scent, listening to his heartbeat. Gently she disengaged and cupped his face in her palms with an intent look straight in his eyes – “Seungie, please promise me, no one will get hurt.”

His brows narrowed subtly as if it simply was her imagination but clarity came to her, calming and arrow-sharp.

“We’re sailing in a storm. Do you really think we will get out unscathed?” – He answered. His voice was stiff, strained, weary.

Her arms crept around his waist, closed the gap between their body while stillness started to wrap them all in this peaceful afternoon. They both knew redamancy was amazing but taking this much rantipole was another story… Choices were never a kind of biogenesis, really..

“Aren’t you afraid?”- His inquiry penetrated her ears and poked real hard on her softest spot.

“I am.” – She murmured with the fainted sound as if she herself found it unbelievable to nail it. – “I am, but I don’t wanna taste again that dire nodus tollens.”

HyunAh had thought the passage of her story that she had skimmed to the good parts contained no dark shade, as if morning would never wound to burning afternoon, until that lightning struck down, shattered everything once so dear. That feeling of the plot of her life hadn’t made sense to her anymore, that she was seemed still following the arc of her story but didn’t understand not even a single thread. That chapter, she refused to reread it again.

“HyunAh… Thank you… for liking this dark plot, where my heart has landed.” – He said, pulled back little to be able to let their eyes met and locked in a moment of ineffable love and understanding.

“Seungie…” – She called – “I love her.”

“Me too….” – His fingers touched her face, trailing along her delicate jawline until HyunAh titled her head a bit to fall wholly into his warm palm, where her eyes took a brief tranquil rest.

Suddenly the door was opened and he could feel the stunned awkwardness came along with one particular person who walking in…

HyunAh turned around, immediately stood up, snatched herself out of his stronghold but in vain when the girl recognized the only face was so dear yet so fearful, their mother. In the next moment right after his grip had been tightened on her waist, HyunAh realized their mother was not alone. Right behind her, two gentlemen with smiling face were staring at them… However the stare brought up no suspicion as she was afraid of.

Comprehension dawned in her mind, yes, there’s no weirdness if twin gave each other profound affection, especially with the case such this. Thanked to Seungie’s quick reaction, unless normal scene had been turned to peculiar all because of her uncanny behavior.

Exactly as her thought told her, Seungie’s grip got loose for her to stand up and made a bow.

“Mom” – She greeted, but it was still hard to right away hug back surprised yet happy expression. Awkwardness was still lurking around them. This silence, uncomfortable.

“Mom, and these are…” – HyunSeung glanced back and forth slowly between their mom and the strangers, one old and one young. His face seemed kind of confused, very puppy-like, all hailed to his adorably beautiful eyes. The performance that HyunAh had to watch raptly, her lips parted in awe.

Despite the clumsy attitude, the boy still could manage to make a bow to them with his sitting posture, didn’t let his painful brow-narrowing fall in oblivion while attempting to be a well-educated teenage. But in the most hidden place at his eyes’ bottom, HyunSeung still reserved a faint hint of amusement for her silly fashion. Years of training let him see the girl beside him clearly at the edge of his vision.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Seungie. You don’t need to try.” – The older rushed to HyunSeung’s side to make his good intention clearer.

“I’m sorry that my lack of introduction puts you two in this awkward situation, haha. You two are really closed to each other, just like what your mother told me.” – The old man went on.

HyunAh contemplated each of them, all in fine suit, that proved their value and position. The older might be her mom’s new boyfriend and the younger… The girl’s eyes immediately averted away from his gaze when ambiguous intensity made a move in that sight line. She disliked it, as if she was the 8th modern wonder.

HyunAh glanced quickly to her beloved’s face. Seungie seemed to not notice what had just happened but the intuitive link of them never failed to convey to her the slightest shift on his dashing face. From the day they had bashed everything to declare this love, HyunAh strongly believed in what she felt about him.

He did notice but still vigilantly pretended to be opaque to the event.

“I’m Young Jun, your mother’s friend and this is my nephew, YoungHwa. We heard from your mom about your unwell and wanna visit.” – The old man said, mirth didn’t leave his face even one sec.

“Oh… Thank you, Mr…” – HyunSeung said, his sentence was interrupted because the old man’s family name had not yet been revealed.

“Oh, Park. My family name is Park. But please call me uncle, I don’t want unnecessary formality.” – A wink was added at the end of his sentence.

“Yes, uncle Park.” – HyunSeung smiled back happily.

As every minute went by, HyunAh’s inner voice screamed louder, unfortunately, only repeated some silly words – “NO NO NO! I DIDN’T KNOW THIS GUY. WHERE IS SEUNGIE?” – and the petite girl couldn’t help to giggled quietly.

“And you must be HyunAh.” – The old man turned to her, gathered her with a warm greeting.

“I am… uncle Park.” – She politely greeted him.

“HyunAh, YoungHwa has just come back Korea, I hope you can show him around.” – Their mother spoke for the first time in this so much awkward situation, which HyunSeung found those words clanking to each other so hurtful to his taste. So this was her final intention, the boy thought while giving the young man a quick observation.

Nice suit, handsome face… looked like a gentleman… could be more friendly to HyunSeung if he hadn’t trade the ethereal opia with HyunAh a short moment ago. Even the blind could vaguely see his instant fancy to the girl. Meanwhile, the older man embraced perfectly the presentation of a successful middle-aged man. Secretly, HyunSeung filed the observation away for used as needed.

His mom was not completely feeling at ease though these were her children and her boyfriend. The scenario was not beyond what she had pictured in mind before they had stepped into this confine space; but obviously, seeing her children showed their love for each other as what her eyes had received was uncomfortable.

“MOM!” – HyunAh exclaimed, her cry slipped pass her pretty lips before she acknowledged that the level of volume was sounded inappropriately. Sighed out heavily, her tone was adjusted to softer while her eyes shot to him real quick – “I’m sorry but Seung is not well… I must….”

But the girl hadn’t ever got a chance to complete her sentence because this afternoon soon became so much crowded and entertained when the door swung open again.

Another figure appeared. This time, some of them were caught off-guarded…

His father… walked in.

“Welcome on stage, dad!” – HyunSeung encouraged himself in muted voice…

[One-shot] Come out


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Disclamer: I own nothing but the ideas ^^
Characters: HyunA and Hyunseung from Troublemaker
Rating: NC-13

Summary: In one deep night of HyunSeung’s mini solo album release, there was one particular young woman alone on her own and gathered her fond memories with his songs.

Author’s note: “Come out” is my most favourite song in HyunSeung’s first mini solo album “MY” for its super cute and sincere lyrics, which I truly believe he gifted this song for HyunA.

We all know HyunA looks best without high heels and bold make-up. The less the prettier she is. That’s also the HyunA I always love.



The clock’s slowest needle passed 12:00 AM but HyunA still lingered awake with her phone, busying with a special post on her Instagram. This was a supposed-to-be free and easy update as she had done 13266745162451274518471 times. Not a single time she had to be serious with what she should input at caption line, really… but this particular post didn’t fall in the same category of others.

HyunA bit her lips slightly…

In the room that was painted with the shade that man liked most, darkness, the young woman hastened her vision tightly on her phone screen. More than anyone, she yearned to write down – “The sweetest sounds I’ve ever listened. Jang HyunSeung’s MY.” and a bunch of hashtags, such #jhs #janghyunseung #hyunseung #js #jaystompt #beast #beasthyunseung #troublemakerjs #rancho #my #mafirst #jangten #solo #kpop and… #love #iloveyou #bestsongsever #soproud #hatehismv #stupidmv #stupidboyfriend #silly #butIlovehim

But they only happened in her dream…

HyunA glanced at the clock on her nightstand. Thanked to fainted light source from her phone, she amusingly found herself had lost her 30 minutes only to think about what should be appeared in a single post.

Exhaled heavily… her fingers pressed down some normal hashtags below his solo album’s  image. Though they were as simple as human must breath every second, this post still stood out with other supported updates she had done… Hashtags…. This post… only this had hashtags…

The girl sighed again, a bit frustrated for pressing down her dear emotions every time love urged her to come out…

Come out….

That was the only song in his solo album that HyunSeung forbid her from pre-listening with mischievous reason, “Save the best for last” – He winked.

“Best… best your head. Your MV burned every cell of my brain to ashes.” – She murmured, so soft that hardly made a sound. That stupid MV…

Hyuna let her mind be catapulted back to their conversation when he first showed her the MV timidly…

“My HyunSeung dear, this part should be sexy looking, not this high school expression.” – She said to him.

“But she’s not you…. I just can’t!”

“Silly… yet so cute.” – The words were uttered in a quiet voice for herself but a curl of her lips that spoke more eloquently of how happy she might express when they’re together.

She once asked him why he liked “Break up with him” the most; and sheepishly, he whispered into her ears. “Because I liked you when you still hung out with other guys.”

Though his smile might be silly, his words indeed brought heat on her face. Her man had been looking straight to her eyes with the most sincere glint he could covey. Words of truth~

Swiftly, she logged in Naver to listen to his album, to hear the missing song and also to boost his rank.

Baby girl It ain’t easy to live a life
But you gotta know that I got ya.”

HyunA pressed her lips into a thin line to subdue the hint of happiness on her face, albeit the fact that blissful feeling was surging through her and pouring out from her eyes.

“Really?” – She whispered to thin air.

Life was never easy to live. They wore fanciness everyday, embraced the crown of best duo in K-Pop history and she herself was holding the throne of new-gen sexy queen… but behind those clinquant appearances, tears, sweat and even blood were shed.

The girl’s lips curved once again when her memories took a leap to his early-career forbidden – “Not allow to talk on air.” HyunSeung had admitted he had loved to tease her because of her silent response… but no one could ever thought of the reason why he had sill clung to her for more fun, albeit her quiet.

….because she’s the only one who possessed the same sense of his….

Nothing was more hurtful than an unappreciated sarcasm. Worse than most, HyunSeung understood this feeling crystal clear. It was not likely the man had wanted to put people under awkward situation, the words had tumbled from him, uncensored, unimagined until they had passed his lips. Which she more than often had teased him – “You got the mind of not artist but a businessman.”

Then he found her… as she found him!

“Girl, don’t say anything
Because I know how you feel
Honestly, I know
I’m like that a lot too.”

If someone accidentally knew their affair, it would be no surprise when they accepted the fact with a dropping jaw for she and he shared no similarity.

He’s quiet! She couldn’t shut her mouth!

She’s sexy! He looked like a puppy!

She’s famous! People thought about DooJoon or Yoseob when BEAST came into their mind!

But it didn’t matter because millions people out there, only him needed no words to identify the concern roaming in her mind now and then. The only individual could magically sooth the hot temper kid inside her soul, the only could hold her hands as both a friend and… soulmate. Before him… the sexy queen was no more than a sensitive kid who craved for nothing but candor comfort.

Then from closed friendship… that seed evolved into some living creature, nailed its roots deep down her heart… into something so dear that they both felt without sweet words.

“Girl, your clothes are thrown everywhere
Your desk is a bigger mess
Yeah, I know
Times like that, come see me
I don’t care when it is
I don’t care what it is
Let’s be together, don’t be alone
Come out, come out
It’s alright if you just wear anything
It’s alright if you come out empty handed.”

HyunA pursed her lips with his confession… – “Jang HyunSeung…. you really want the whole world to know that we’re together now?”

Though, her mind was still flooded with happiness when he, on his own course, put these thoughts in the lyrics. Jang HyunSeung – the Perfectionist, Jang HyunSeung – the cleanness OCD hadn’t minded if she scattered her clothes everywhere in her tired days. With the most tender way, he had suggested her to rearrange their costumes together the day after.

Suddenly, HyunA realized her vision was blurred a little with the memories of him, standing in front of her messy desk, chuckling loudly then turned to face her, saying – “I haven’t ever been wrong when regarded you as a boy.”

“Really?” – She retorted

HyunSeung then narrowed his eyes wickedly and countered back while grinning – “Not so sure. I guess I’d check again… right now!”

“YAHHHH!!!  Jang HyunSeung, you’re pervert” – She exclaimed.

Teasing hint still reflected in his eyes the young man approached her, pulled her in a loose embrace and before pressing his lips on her, he would say – “Anyway, I don’t mind.”

Their kisses, they always came easily, that flow, as smooth as breathing, and as necessary to life.

She, too, didn’t mind.

I want to overcome everything for you
I want to accept everything for you
I want to be whatever it is for you, yeah
You’re the only one who can know
You’re the prettiest in the world
I believe everything turn out well
I’ll protect you from next to you
When you’re feeling down, when no one knows how you feel
We just need each other, we just have to overcome together
It’s important to me, how you feel is most important
We just need each other, we just have to overcome together baby.

Her feeling was not only uphill, it was practically a vertical limb under the whip of these ribbons of words… Though it was not a new dawn, she was still struck hard with how much he felt for her…


The bedroom’s door unexpectedly swung open but she sat on their bed as if she had been carved in stone, her wet eyes became silly with his image at the entrance.

“What’s up baby?” – His voice sounded frantic when her tears were detected.

There was a myth, if you’re wrestling with your emotions and someone beloved tried to comfort, you’d burst into a hard cry without a good reason. Here she was, crying like a baby in his arms. She could feel his exhaustion but that couldn’t halt him from his concern for her.

“What’s is it? What happened?” – He asked vigilantly, worry couldn’t be hidden.

The light from her phone successfully tore his attention from him… HyunSeung inclined his head and relief radiated from him.

“HyunA…” – He called her then titled up her lovely crying face and planted a kiss on her crying eyes, so gently and so much love. His kisses then fell on the very tip of her nose, on her cheeks and finally landed on her lips.

Clearly the man was a bit tipsy since he had come back from his celebration with product team. Alcohol scent lingered in his breath took her sensation float higher, together as his kiss drowned deeper in every ticking second.

Her slender fingers crawled into his blonde hair, giving him the same sensation his hands was sliding on her bare skin, under the thin fabric.

His breath was soft and warm on her face as he whispered – “I really wanna hold you hand and come out.”

She giggled euphoniously – “To let everybody know we’re married?” – Reluctantly, she added – “Before God.”

Almost let his regular flippant joke slip out but HyunSeung knew what she was really meaning. They were not ready… yet… so he whispered hoarsely – “I really want to, but your feeling is the most important to me. You don’t know how much I desired to have you with me at the party.”

There’re many fables about their relationship, from closed friends to lovers and even she had carried his baby but none could know they’re no longer just lovers but husband and wife…

His fingers, caressed her beautiful skins…

His scent, his touches, his kisses… It was difficult to compose her thoughts… HyunA felt as though she was drowning and he was the only solid thing in this world.

And for a few hours that night, they permitted themselves to be lost in each other, pushing away thoughts of concerns and career and other’s opinions, their world narrow and tender and comprised only of the two of them.

– The end – 


Yêu Tinh Gió




HS: *chuếch choáng … gục xuống bãi rác*



10’ sau

HS: *mò điện thoại* Cưng ơ ooo iiiiiiiiiiiiii ….. Đến ..đón …anh… đi …. *nấc*

Mrs J: !%@%#^#&*$*$%#$%^

HS: Anh đang ở ….*dòm quanh quất*….. hình như bãi rác thì phải….

Mrs J: &*@#$%^&()__+(&^%$

HS:………………………… *nấc*


HS: *nấc* …. Vợ à…. Sa..ran..gha.e..yoooo…..

Mrs J: ~~~ JANG HYUN SEUNG, anh đi chết đi cho tôi~~~~~

… ……. …

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Con nhóc láu lỉnh nói nhiều đó thật phiền muốn chết…
Thế nhưng sao anh lại thấy thiếu thiếu nếu không nghe nó lảm nhảm mỗi ngày?
….. Chẳng lẽ bị làm phiền mãi sinh ra nghiện?

Yêu Tinh Gió


Authors: Bunny and Windy 

Năm 2009

Hyun Ah

“HA: anh à, hồi xưa đó, khi chưa debut đó, em ganh tị vơi anh lắm, đám trainee đều say nắng anh hết”

Thiệt ra ko phải nó ganh tị voi HS, là ganh tị với đám con trai ngoài kia……

vì có thể thoải mái lại gần nói chuyện với HS, chứ ko như nó, chỉ có thể lén lút đứng đằng xa dòm theo

“anh đó ngộ quá, mình cũng muốn đụng vô ảnh, ko biết 2 cái má đó véo thì sẽ ra sao nhỉ?”

thời gian đó nó rất thân với BEAST, thân hơn so với tất cả mọi người trong 4min, nó thật sự muốn trở thành một  trong họ để có thể chơi với anh, nhưng anh vẫn cứ nhìn nó dửng dưng như người lạ.

vẫn gọi HA ssi rất…

View original post 2,754 more words

[PE – C9] Crawling back to you


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He pull a cigarette out of a pack, and after not lighting it, began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger. A half-eaten improperly prepared lunchbox was carelessly thrown next to him as his mind started to drift with the smoke was now curling from his first exhale. In the end, he had decided to light the cigarette. If someone saw this scene, definitely, he would be in deep shit but who care, wasn’t the shit he had been dipped in deep enough?

His features were perfectly relaxed except for his eyebrows, which frowned slightly as he watching the smoke shaping some abstract forms, as though the images was disturbing him cruelly.

“HyunSeung! Stop that thing!”

The handsome head snapped up as the voice of his best friend rang through the air and he greeted the new comer with a melancholy smirk, faintly, before the poison was dumped under his feet. YoSeob sometimes acted like his mother.

“For you”,  YoSeob said while handing a box of fresh cherries unto HyunSeung’s hands after settled him down next to the guy.

“Hmm? Fruit? You’re treating me like a girl”, HyunSeung replied humourously.

“No. I’m treating you like brother who has to take care of a bigger one but lack of appropriate sense of taking care of himself under catastrophe. Is killing yourself that good?”, the shorter guy said, his voice, unintentionally was raised up to irritable note. A scowl was deepening at the corners of his mouth and between his eyebrows.

“I don’t. Just a moment then I’ll be fine soon. Don’t worry.” The taller smiled a little, though it didn’t reach his eyes as his hands began opening the cherry box. “Sweet.” He commented.

“Of course.” YoSeob said while chewing one in his mouth.

“Thank dude.” HyunSeung smiled again, this time, sincere ran across his face.

A quick glance was made and his frown deepened when YoSeob found HyunSeung again didn’t finish his meal properly.

“Ditch your meal again?” He asked, a sudden flash of anger rose in him.

“Can’t eat. My stomach feels uncomfortable.” HyunSeung replied nonchalantly.

“It’s been over a month, Seungie. I really wonder about the time you’ll alright.” The shorter’s voice broke with deep concern that even himself couldn’t even explain why. It’s so true that he cared for this friend much more than a mere friend, nearer to a old brother looked after his younger; though HyunSeung was never a silly friend who needed to be taken care of. Honestly saying, all of his life, he’s the one always eyed on his twin sister, whom oddly also loved him back not in sibling way. By some mystical force, Seungie was the type of people who ofter sank themselves into deep shit.

YoSeob’s eyes glanced at HyunSeung as if uncertain whether or not he should continue, “HyunAh worries about you.”

“No, she hates me.” HyunSeung sighed and shook his head.

YoSeob turned to his friend, looked his his friend’s half face intently, the “beautiful” face was stricken with resignation and sadness. “Beautiful”, the word never failed to bring amusement to him when it was attached to HyunSeung’s appearance. Careless meals thinned the boy down but ironically brought up his fine lines, his features clean and straight as if they had been drawn by a few perfect strokes of an artist’s pen. Except the fact, HyunSeung was a guy and he despited the word utterly.

“No. She may hate you but it doesn’t change the fact she cares for you dearly.” YoSeob retorted, his hands placed in HyunSeung’s shoulders reassuringly.

YoSeob’s words surely stung. Though the certain dread of being exposed always resting on his shoulders but not this soon, not when they had not been grown up enough to deal with it wisely, in order to attain the future of happiness.

“Sometimes…”, HyunSeung paused and looked at his friend skeptically, “I think you’re supporting my… sinful relationship.” The voice stated his wondering.

YoSeob averted his eyes away, to the thin air in front of him as if somewhere in there, the answer’s glimpse could be caught. Now he did speak, drawing back to gaze at his friend intently, “I… don’t know. This is wrong, I am aware of it. But more than right or wrong, more than the mere morality or ethnic, the only thing I wanna see is your happy face again…”

Silence feel down along with their unfinished lines… because they both understood that when a person was down in a valley as deep as HyunSeung was, he had no idea to figure out a way to climb up in a short period.



“HyunSeung, can you translate this paragraph to Korean?” The English teacher called out loud from the top of their classroom, voice sounded obviously in unhappy tone when her eyes caught the laziness of her favourite student – Jang HyunSeung – the one was lying on his desk, the gesture of sleeping, she supposed.

But her top student didn’t make any move. His head was buried in his arms, no response was detected.

It’s not strange, not at all when a sick revulsion filled her, twisted tightly in her stomach, caused by his odd silence. And before she could realize, her body, on its own accord, rushed to him, and horrifically felt the cold sweats had already wet his back. Seungie, her Seungie, lying on his desk, his knuckles turned white because of the strength was using to suppress the pain was torturing him.

She was trying to lift him up but her petite frame wouldn’t let her, tears started to smear her vision when she realized he couldn’t do this alone but her mind was empty as if it narrowed the world into only themselves. Suddenly, he was lifted up from other side, someone was helping to carried her brother up – “YoSeobie”, the name tinged in her mind since from the corners of her eyes, his figure popped up. Without word exchanging, they both knew exactly where they should head to.

The sound of muttering soon was left behind their back.

“Hang on.” HyunAh said, loud enough with hope that her voice could pass over the agony that was clashing brutally the boy she cared most. A tine streak of anger was flickered in her heart but as quickly as it came, that feeling was extinguished by the worry was now dominating her all.

YoSeob, who stayed silent from the beginning, suddenly raised his voice when he saw more heavier sweats were shed from his friend, sweat was dotting his brow, matting wisps of deep brown hair to his forehead and obviously, Seungie’s shade of blood completely run hidden as if the sweats had flooded them out.

“HyunAh, hurry!” He urged.

Before Hyunah and YoSeob’s horror eyes, HyunSeung vomited blood when the nurse processed on checking some spots on his abdomen.

“Not good. We need to call the ambulance quickly!” Their school nurse hastily stated when she, herself witnessed the symptom. But when she snapped up, she saw the most panic expression on the girl’s face. Pale is not only too clichéd a description of what she saw, but also not graphic enough. The girl’s face, somehow, was like sharing the same pain with the boy was struggling with his acute problem.

“Are you okay? You look terrible.” The nurse asked HyunAh while dialing emergency call but the girl’s world couldn’t contain anything or anyone else beside the boy, her stare never left him since they had stormed into the infirmary minutes before… Perhaps, she’s his girlfriend but they looked too much alike…

Short time after that, the nurse was known, they’re twin. No wonder…



The first feeling that flooded through him was a wave of pain and helplessness as when consciousness crawling back. But the utter darkness refused to leave; by some mysterious force, HyunSeung found that he couldn’t move. Not a muscle, not even to open his eyes. His limbs remained stiff. No matter what he tried, something very heavy was pinning them tightly to the ground. Panic began to lurk in his mind while his throat was burning with every flow of air brushing through.

“Seungie… Seungie…”

A voice rang by his ears as something warm was touching his lips, something very familiar and dearest… and water, suddenly, ran through his smoldering throat, successfully subdued the painful feeling.

HyunSeung moaned softly when consciousness first came back. Dizzy vision bit by bit was dispelled, granted for him a view of white wall, white curtain and the annoyed beeping sound of some machine.  He felt like floating between the waking world and the realm of dreams, anchored to neither. However, the first word invaded his mind was not “hospital” but “HyunAh” as her deathly pale face was slowly sharpened in his blurring vision.

HyunAh, with red and buffed eyes, bursted into tears when his eyes managed to blink a few times drowsily.

“Hey.” – An extreme pain rushed straight from his abdomen to his brain, sank the single word into an inaudible murmur. Though he wanted more than anything to pull her into his arms and comforted her but all he could do was lying there, watching tears ran down her face as she made no effort to wipe them away.

“Thanks God. You woke up!”

Without moving his exhausted head, only his eyes rolled aside to catch the glimpse of the voice’s owner, though he in fact didn’t have to do it to confirm who had just come in.

When her visage appeared fully in his view, HyunSeung felt her hand tenderly casted aside some strayed locks on his forehead. Her pale, was not so much better than his sister, completely covered by white paper shade.

“Doctor said you got stomach ulcers.” She said softly

“So, that’s it…” He thought. That’s the reason had lurked behind his not so serious aches that always had occurred whenever something had rolled down his body in the last month. He had known it’s not a good sight but never thought it would have been this acute, until today.

“You’ll have to stay here in couple days. I’ll stay at night and HyunAh will only be here for some hours a day, since she still have school and homework.” – His mother said, her eyes still on him.

“No. I’ll stay here with him all days and nights. I can do homework here, HyunSeung can help me. So, I think it’s better because you’re much more tired than me with the pressure from your office.” HyunAh protested, spoke aloud. Her voice was rich and full of determination. In such situation like this, her worry would definitely tug at the edge of her mind all day and night if she must stay afar from HyunSeung.

Reluctantly, her mother nodded slightly. Her job really was dealing a great toll on her, physically and psychologically. Beside that, looking at her son’s illness was not comfortable since it reminded her how bad a mother she was. Her son, though always acted much more mature than his age, was still a 17 year-old teenager; and like any other children, he needed care from parents, in which he was totally lack of. It would be better if he cried and told her how painful he must endure, how much he hated the way she treated him but HyunSeung, as thoughtful as always, sympathized for her reasons and took silence as his deep understanding. So then, at least, for this short period, she thought HyunAh would be the best person for this job.

“Then, I’ll bring clean clothes for you everyday.” She said, toward her daughter which broke a pleasant smile on HyunAh’s face.

The night went on with silence and small conversations between two ladies while they were promoting HyunSeung, who slowly recovered from his surgeon.

“It’s 10 o’clock. You should back home, mama.”  – HyunSeung reminded the time.

“Uhm… Rest well. You too, HyunAh” His mother said and received a brief nod from both of them before she slowly rose up and left. The confine space fell into utter silence once again.


“Don’t say anything. I still do not forgive what you’ve done to me.” She snapped but the tears belied the words as she frantically working through her best to calm the burning emotion was ragging on in her mind. Sadly, her desperate action collapsed when the tears acted on their own accord, betrayed her endeavour.

His hand reached out for hers but right at the moment it touched, HyunAh snapped away and the rage explored as she started to cried out. For the first time in her life, Hyunah felt so clear, very clear that the thing within her chest was clenched cruelly, enough to drain not just energy but all of her life force away…

“You said you love me. You asked for my courage to be with you. You are the one who started everything and then it’s you, who under the noble name of for my sake, threw me away, said “wish you’ll be happy”. Do I look happy now?” – She shouted to him, her voice bitter and desperate. – “I know we’re not… normal. You started this, you must be the one aware of it better than me but instead of proving your words… What did you do? Oh, I see, you tortured yourself to make me happy, huh? You’re better disappear! I hate you! I hate you so much that… I thought I would die when you’re in pain.”

HyunAh bursted into a hard cry, too much that she thought tears choked her throat sometimes.

HyunSeung had to drew cold air into his lung to subdue the pain again rushed straight into his head when he sat up to circled her in his arms. This pain was no anywhere near to the one that residing in his heart and spirit.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” He said, tightened the grip around her crying frame.

“HyunAh… “     He whispered, brought down his head to press his dry lips on her soft ones, not surprised when HyunAh didn’t pull away but, between whimper, slowly opened her mouth for his tongue was able to make its venture. The icy knot inside him melted like winter retreating before the warmth of spring and he deepened the kiss, satisfied the longing and yearning of over a month far away.

Didn’t know how long it took, he pulled back, tucked strayed locks of her hair behind the ear – “No one can seem to deny you anything.” He said.

“HyunAh, listen and think carefully before answer. This time, I will never let you leave my side. If you choose to stay with me, you should well aware that you won’t have chance to be with any other man in future because I won’t let it. You then must be my lover, my partner for the rest of your life. Do you agree with this? I am a selfish man, you know it more than anyone else.” – He said, clearly, though his stomach was clashing inside that by the time he finished the lines, sweat started to dot his forehead obviously.

HyunAh stared straight into his eyes. She understood this was a serious question, worthy of a serious, thoughtful reply. So she took a time to give him one.

“I do.” She didn’t answer, her tone, more like a vow…

That night, once again, she could sleep soundly by his side with the belief “In the end, everything will be fine, as long as they’re together.”

[PE – C8] Given and denied!


, , , , ,


“Why do you have to move in here?” – YoSeob asked while unpacking his friend’s stuffs in HyunSeung’s new room which belonged to the twin’s auntie.

“Don’t ask. Just don’t ask. Please…” – The taller hide his depressed look by facing his back to the shorter one.

In all the time they had known each other, YoSeob had never seen his best friend seemed so… fragile like this period of time. The HyunSeung he knew was the young man full of confidence, certain about his control over everything. Even when GaYoon reluctantly said goodbye, his calm was still unflinching. Thanks God, GaYoon had decided to keep that secret for their sake and that kind action carved a deep mark in his heart.

Silence embraced them again. Admittedly, YoSeob disliked this unnatural environment, HyunSeung changed… completely and YoSeob obviously could see his friend’s deep sorrow, not only in his eys but also covered all of his body. HyunSeung today was not much different from a walking dead.

Slowly, YoSeob turned around and found that his friend was watching the ceiling, maybe only 5 minutes had passed but YoSeob felt like centuries was behind their shoulders. His friend, still the HyunSeung he knew in several years, looked up to drink back all of his tears…

“Your mother found out your relationship with HyunAh?” – YoSeob suddenly asked, the stillness of the house finally unnerved him.

He could easily see HyunSeung’s body startled before they eyes met and frankly, YoSeob realized the traces of boyish innocence had faded away, and he was now possessed of a serious expression that gave wat at times to a well-practiced smirk.

“HyunAh and I? We’re sibling! What kind of relationship my mother would find out?” – He said

“Don’t play stupid with me. I knew you love her…” – Hesitated in a short moment, he pressed on – “GaYoon saw you guys kissing in school. That’s why she broke up with you.”

If Hyunseung had ever looked shock before, it was nothing closed to his expression for now. His white skin turned into a bleak paper. Then after a long time, he adverted his gaze out of YoSeob, silently, nodded.

“You look terrible, you know?” – YoSeob stated his worry. Even though his best friend’s love affair was a sin but he still the friend he cherished most. He didn’t know why but deep down, he cared for HyunSeung like a big brother. How ironically the fact was he’s shorter and less experience in many things.

“I don’t care. My world is collapsed!”

Bitter, sorrow, pain… YoSeob couldn’t list all the anguish-related words to describe his friend’s status at this moment, because it was beyond any kind of agony; his spirit was unraveling to the point only a simple touch could push him to the death. Nevertheless, he couldn’t support his friend in this case. It’s immoral! It’s sin! Time would heal his heart, hopefully.

“What’s happened?” – he asked

HyunSeung stared over the window, he swallowed the ease his patched throat. He was watching himself back in that painful moment.

“HyunSeung, please stop this. You know this is wrong. You can’t destroy her future. She’s a lady, someday she will be a happy mother and you can’t give her one. Please think about it. At this age, maybe you guys look down on that concern but when she reached that time, she’ll be in great sorrow.” – His mother said in hard sobbing, trembly held his hand tired. The news bite her well, big enough to break her kneels down to earth and almost had killed with a heart attack. His mother was pleading her son… Her pale face with overflowing tears… her health state… 

Pain flared deep within his chest…

“So, you agreed to stay away from HyunA because of your mother?”

HyunSeung gave a brief head shaking then he quickly changed it into a nod, melancholy.

“You did the right thing!”  – YoSeob hope his empathy could in some way, levitated the pain.

But instead of responding back to his friend’s sympathetic words, HyunSeung simply turned around, back to his unpacking. Silence reclaimed the space again as YoSoeb also started to imitate the taller guy’s behavior… Until Yosoeb could smell that odour he really hated from behind, he knew, without have to clarify by seeing, HyunSeung was lighting a cigarette.

The baby-face turned around again with arms folding in front of his chest, grimaced, “I thought you decided to quit it.”

Slowly, the other boy faced his friend with a cigarette hanging loosely on his lips, smiled then said tonelessly, “You know, when I see the smoke curling into the air, I think a tiny fragment of this sadness is released and so…”

“Not in front of my face!” – YoSeob sighed out bitterly before his expression soon stiffened to grimness as he strode to HyunSeung and snatched the cigarette away.

HyunSeung stared at his friend uncomprehendingly. YoSoeb drew in a breath to steady his anger, “I… You’re not like this, HyunSeung ah. And as your best friend, I’d rather watch you’ll die trying to fight for what you believe than by this poison.”

And in the next moment, Yosoeb found HyunSeung’s arms surround his shoulders, came along with the bass tone of “Thank you…”

Vapid light from the window integrated drearily with the ceiling light so that there was an oddness to the room, a lack of depth to its shadings, a neutrality to its brighter tones. YoSeob’s mind started to drift into the uncertainty…


After a long moment, she decided to knock that very door of her daughter’s room… and another long moment was taken before HyunAh appeared at her door in a weary expression, though an awkward smile still managed to curve her lips slightly. It was tough time, for both of them and for HyunSeung too, God knew how much she loved her children.

Reluctantly, Hyunah stepped aside, indicated that “Please come in Mama” and that granted mama Lee a good view of the room – very neat with books, notebooks, pens and coloured pencils only scattered on her small table.

“Are you studying?”, she asked.

A brief node was HyunAh’s response. Her silence, somehow, turned into a mocking with no reason in her mother’s eyes and the next moment, a great tide of angry voice was raised in this already tired air.

“Don’t you realize how wrong you are? HyunSeung is your sibling, your blood twin brother! don’t you feel shame of your behavior?”

Mixed pains flared in her daughter’s eyes but they disappeared as if they hadn’t ever existed. And by just that single fainted hint, the unfathomable load of agony was enough to unravel her very spirit and suffocated her soul.

“Mama…”, HyunAh, waited for her mother’s anger was subdued, began to raise her voice in a very very careful and thoughtful fashion; her hands reached to squeeze her mother’s hand, “We… I’,.. so sorry. We broke you down and please believe me when I said we are not blind by this love. But there’s one thing I hope to can understand for me… You know I have admirers, some of them are nice, as Lee Joon-ssi. I dated him, but not in any moment, I could feel the ultimate unison I always wished for. The kind of absolute secure and warmth that always can embrace me, that rapture and happiness… only HyunSeung can unconsciously gives me.”

Glitters started to round her red eyes as her words trailed off, “We… I… simply can’t resist those feeling. When he’s with me, I felt nothing to be afraid of…”

Mama Lee took in a deep breath. admittedly, this little girl’s tears always were her and HyunSeung’s greatest weakness. It’s still very vivid in her memories every time HyunAh had irritated HyunSeung by her childish jokes, all she had needed to do is crying, the boy would surrender quicker than their mother had thought.

“Baby, you and Seungie mean to be brother and sister in the beginning, not lovers…”, her voice became softer and tinted with melancholy, “Like I said, he can’t give a a complete family, the happy life without guilt and shame. Furthermore, you two can’t have baby together. And in the end, you’re the only suffered one.”

“But… mama…”, HyunAh lifted up her gaze for them to meet her mother’s, “as long as Seungie is there, I trust that nothing can harm me, even such thing called guilt and shame. Though now, even he couldn’t keep that promise. There is no guarantee other guy won’t hurt me even deeper with betrayal acting, with misunderstanding… just like…. papa did to you.”, and tears streamed down like rivers.

Horror laid it’s icy hand on her heart when HyunAh eventually blurted out her concerns… silence reclaimed the space and this time, she was sure, it could mock, but their love was still wrong…



The young man was sitting in front of her possess a nice looking but HyunSeung was better by far. This guy – handsome, maybe. HyunSeung – pretty… She could not help but presented herself a slight smirk with that funny thought. HyunSeung was always a pretty boy, her pretty boy.

“So awkward!” – That sentence again and again stomped into her mind. The guy obviously fancied her from the first sight. HyunAh wore her lovely mask, smiled mildly then and now every time they directly called her name so none could accuse her of boredom. This was the 3rd guy she had had to meet in this month. – “Boring!”


“What do you think about him?”

Her mother snatched HyunAh out of her crowd observing through the car’s window. – “Nice. If you wanna know, ma.” – The girl answered without turning her head.

“He’s soon to be a doctor and his family is great.”

Silence appeared between their one-side conversation as she tried to find something familiar in her little girl once so dearly now so incredibly alien to her. HyunAh had changed in the way she was not sure if it’s possible to call as growing up or simply the distress of a sinful fall. But surely, she missed the innocent laughters that usually rang loudly back then. Nostalgia suddered through her, leaving her even more exhausted.

She made a quick glance to HyunAh before raising her voice, “What should I do to you?”

Silence continued to stretch as the girl seemed to lost into her thoughts as her gaze locked on the bling-bling lights outside, as if the strong winds and the noise of incoming Christmas had snatched the words away with their flow before they could manage to reach her eardrums.

Din’t know how long had passed, HyunAh, very very slowly, responded, “I… don’t know…” A pause interrupted for several minutes before she finally stated her dire feeling, “I… just miss him…. so much…….”

And silence again fell down, the girl swallowed the rest as if she was well aware of how unrealistic her wanting might be, “I only wanna be with him.” The sentence… whispered secretly on its own accord.

“Having a nice guy by your side will help you to forget your… brother.” – The mother insisted but her little girl’s eyes clamped her eyes shut and the next moment, tears spilling down… HyunSeung became the forbidden word… The new-found truth left Mama Lee breathless when she frankly realized how deep HyunAh was stuck in the love of youth. This must be stopped, she swear to herself, even if the situation be pushed further than expected.


JiYoon started to note her best friend ‘s weird behaviors these days… after skippping school in two days, both the twin reappeared without talking to each other and she’s not insensitive enough to sense HyunAh’s mixed feeling of sadness and anger shot toward her twin brother. This kind of thing had been never happened before. But despite her insist, Hyunah’s refused to slip put any words thought to JiYoon, it was a nut that must be cracked.

More strange, the lazy HyunAh started to focus only on her studying, smiled sweetly to her admirers but long-term friendship easily helped her to feel the emptiness, the anger and maybe the resignation in that familiar voice, as well as the cheerlessness in the smiles she gave.

“What’s happened to you and Seungie? I mean your family?”, JiYoon asked, after dragging her friend to their hideout between the school’s blocks.

“It’s hard to say it’s nothing, right?”, HyunAh smiled though it was hardly to be call a smile, but the corners of her mouth twitched upwards slightly. Her face creased with sadness and JiYoon could note there was the slight tremor in the petite girl’s hands.

“We’re best friends. You can trust me. You know it.”, JiYoon’s hands gently folded other pair to add more weight on her reassurance.

“I… we… I…”, HyunAh stammered. It’s not hard to not recognize a great fight was raging within but JiYoon knew she had enough love to be patient, willingly waiting until her friend was ready to tell what’s bothering her.

HyunAh’s lips quivered as she eventually decided to let her best friend be aware of her situation, ready to accept disgusted look and perhaps an end of their friendship for she was already over the edge. But deep down, a fragile hope was still clinging, which she wondered if it’s unrealistic optimism  or else.

“Seungie and I… we…”, Her lips were pressed hard to shape a thin line, before, “We love each other. Our mother has just found out. Seungie said he will protect me no matter what, noe he dumped me alone in the name of my sake. I know I’m crazy and childish and stupid and silly but I can’t help to not angry with him.”

Her words formed a long ribbon as her falling tears blurring her friend’s visage, but she found joy in it. at least, for the short moment, the expected disgusting on JiYoon’s face could be assumed as empathy, she thought.

Overwhelming awareness after the outburst of her friend’s confession left little room for JiYoon to think straight. Her hand flew to her mouth as another failed to hold HyunAh’s hand any longer. Something  rose in her throat because this was beyond her even wildest imagination, beyond what she had been taught, beyond the morality that this society was embracing them…

In front of her, HyunAh, face buried in her knees, cried her heart out, voice choked in greatest sorrow… Moment later, tears replaced the horror in JiYoon’s eyes as she sat down and threw her arms around that madly trembling shoulders.