Character: HyunSeung and HyunA, other characters…
Genre: Psychology, Melodrama, Romance
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the storyline.
Author’s note: This idea came to me while reading “Mars” by Fuyumi Soryo, I asked myself – “What if Sei truly wasn’t dead at all?” and since then, I started to play Kopfkino (German, means Head Cinema) with some hints I could think of. The theme is very dark so it’s really too heavy for me to write in quick pace. Additionally, I yearn to write it logically with precisely psychological knowledge. So, I hope I’ll meet my own requirements >”<
Day or night? The time didn’t matter to them anymore because only while making love, the other soul that had been junctioned inside their body was temporarily disappeared. Only in this very moment, they could be true to the authentic selves that always been suppressed down to the abyss of hell. This was stupid since the beginning, obviously but it’s also crystal clear that this was the most effective way to banish all the anguishes that tortured them after those years. They enjoyed each other body parties, infatuated with each other original soul as well as despited and loved the other one.
Only HyunSeung understood how painful to live under other person’s skin and HyunA was the only person could feel the dissonance that swirling and twisting his soul like vile tree in all those years.
Between them was love but inside their embrace also the last resort that only the other could deliver.
But no matter how much they wanted to, those skins were still impossible to be shed off. And so here they were, idiotically seeking a way out in the immersed sensation of making love. The soft moaning from her and the grunting from him became the aria of salvation, so they were making love in the most tender way as if one mistaken stroke would shatter both of their souls.
The pains, the guilty, the atonement were all fucking vanished!
They had lived in other people’s skin for too long…..
Smoke and Mirror
“HYUNA, IT’S LATE!!!!”
“I KNOW!!!! I KNOW!!!” – I yelled back to mom while cursing under my throat during a frantic searching for another sock with one beige and one pink sock in my hands. “Procrastinating now then panic later” seemed to be my motto all the time due to the fact – I was a lazy ass. It’s never a good habit but when instinct kicked in, no one could tell. Point was, I only had intended to sleep a little bit more this morning but unexpectedly it had took over 30 minutes more than I thought. And now, after five minutes of crazy searching all over my wardrobe, here I was storming down the stairs with one beige and one pink socks on my feet, hoping for not being noticed because both if them were in pastel shade.
Plastered in front of my eyes was the scene of a normal happy family – Daddy was reading newspaper while holding slightly a coffee cup in his other hand while Mommy was busy packing my breakfast into a small box.
I rushed to her, took the box without forgetting to peck her cheek – “You’re the best, Mom.” – I said
“BYE, MOM, DAD!!!” – I exclaimed while running to the entrance, smiled blissfully when hearing their good luck from my back for my first day of new school.
To many people, moving a lot from place to place, leaving their old habits and friends was hard to cope with, let alone for a kids but to me, I like this style of living. Dad was a successful businessman and so our family was prone too only stay in one place a year or a little more; sometimes even in other countries. Instead of feeling lost, I took them as chances to meet new people, learning new skills and earning a lot more living experiences which I strongly believed they’d be utterly useful foundation for my future novel. Being a novelist was always my dream but before I could wholeheartly embrace the path, many things must be learnt along the way and this life of us tremendously granted me exactly what I need to be.
I would love to attend a traditional Korean high school but Dad found it super complex with documents, hence I ended up in an international school. A little bit disappointed but not a big deal since my English was not bad at all; thanks to my years living abroad.
I hoped in a taxi, took advantaged of that spare time to gulp down my breakfast. Going to school with personal vehicles was not uncommon thing in here, Mom said most traditional students in Korea used bus as their main transportation. Indeed, I intended so if I was not late today, haizzz.
“Right on time” – I murmured for myself when the school entrance was shut behind only after I slid in roughly a couple of minutes. – “Thanks God!!!” – I said
Since Dad had took me here last week, I found no trouble to proceed to Teacher’s Room and quickly arrested the teacher who I was supposed to follow to my class.
“Good morning, teacher!” – I said while giving her a deep bow next to her desk. In pink pastel cardigan over white plain T-shirt, a pair of tight jean, red sneakers, hairs was tied in a high ponytail and finally dressed in floral cologne which fitted best for school, I truly hoped to make a good impression for her and the class.
“Morning. You must be HyunA.” – She smiled to me.
“I am.” – I answered. The teacher looked young, around her 30s, I guessed. Her friendliness surged in me a good feeling for this place, hoped that our time together would leave with fond memories of my last high school year.
“Follow me. I will introduce you with the class. Don’t worry. They’re all nice kids.” – She smiled again and I liked the way that sincere reached up to her eyes. Teacher’s natural make-up added to her complexion a soft and closed feeling to her student. I liked her!
My class would be 3-2, as she said the finest one because my grades were good enough to be put in. Students in this class mostly came from Euro, some Koreans but raised in other countries before returned here.
“They’re simply different from traditional young Korean kids so most of them couldn’t fit in. They ended here. Somehow I thought this school is like their refugee. But glad that they’re all good kids. You’ll like them.” – She told me while striding along the hallway.
“Yeah,” – I said cheerfully but deep down, agitation was dancing violently, clinging on the back of my head.
“Here we are.” – She said and smiled warmly to me before opening the door. After her, I braced myself with a deep breath, stately stepped in, head high, smile on lips despite how madly my hear was throbbing.
The view opened it up before my eyes, colours were what first popped up. The classroom was like a carnival of colourful citizens, blonde, brunette, dark, red, blue… somewhat perhaps I accidentally rolled in some entertainment company which full of attractive and lively trainees. Anyway, because I simply hadn’t expected to meet such diversity.
My teacher, Ms Yoon stood at her desk with me next to her – “Let me introduce our new student, Ms Kim HyunA.” – Then she turned to me, urged me to say some greeting words myself.
“Uhm… I’m Kim HyunA.” – I said and blushed madly for some guys started to whistle jokingly.
“What’s your dream, HyunA-ssi?” – Someone asked me. I quickly dashed my eyes around the bourne, endeavoured to spot where the voice had been raised but in vain. Hence fetched a sign and looked straight.
“Uhm… My dream is… buying a house on a high mountain.” – I said but secretly, I was cursing why why why I said something so odd but so honest like that in front of completely new people.
“Why?” – Another voice pressed on
“Because…. up there, people will look like… ants….” – I answered, too shy to lift my head up.
“Hey, can I stay with you?” – A male voice rang up. Something in this tone snatched me out of the embarrassment which was torturing, something cordial and serious. My head lifted up and strangely, among that heterogeneously colourful ocean, my eyes found him…
The owner of that voice was an guy, his hair was dyed light blonde and ironically, despite of his endemic Asian features, that color suited him as if he was born with it. Honestly saying, he was the prettiest guy I had ever seen in my life. So fine his lineament as if every curve of his face was the perfect stroke from God; high nose, big eyes, thin lips, flawless skin. His skin looked paler as it’s contrasted with the black T-shirt he’s on. Strange enough for his beautiful visage reminded me of a doll or a fairy that stepped out a lone, ferny dells in moor and bewitched any late coming home travellers in those fantasy stories I was always mesmerized.
The world suddenly was shut down when his eyes nailed on me, seemed that other people was yelling something but I was out of capable to hear. His eyes were bright, round like of doe and black was their shade. But no flippant reflected like he meant every words of what had been spurted. The world now only existed with that guy and I.
“HyunA?” – I was brought back with a slight jerk by teacher’s gentle nudge. Gosh, so embarrassed!!!
“She likes you HyunSeung.” – The class bursted out with joking comment. That guy, so his name was HyunSeung, so he’s Korean, difficultly to fit in normal school…. HyunSeung turned to his friends and laughed hard but that joy didn’t reach his eyes… I shook my head to free it from silly delusions about the guy I had just met.
“Okay, okay, guys!!!.” – Ms Yoon said out loud to calm her class down while scanning a seat for me.
“Hm… Seem you have no choice but sitting next to HyunSeung.” – She said after 30 seconds.
“It’s okay. I’m fine!” – I gave her a brief nod then strode to the seat on his left side. HyunSeung smirked at me when I sat down beside him, giving me his hand for a friendly shake, which I took it with the same polite manner. And again, I sensed something hollowed in those beautiful spheres of him, something inexpressible.
“Jang HyunSeung.” – He said, remained skilfully a smile on that dashing face.
“Kim HyunA. Nice to meet you!” – I responded accordingly.
He grinned back.Truly, in such closed gap, he appeared even more captivated than when I had stood up there and looked down.
First break time came at last and before I noticed, HyunSeung was out of the sight like he hadn’t walked away but vanished in thin air. I threw my eyes around the room and found his figure with a redhead guy at the entrance. As sensing my gaze, he darted his eyes back to me, flicked his chin toward me with a smirk to indicate his acknowledge of my gaze. His action brought attention of the guy who was facing his back to me. He turned around and winked. Weirdly, encountered such a attractive face, warmness didn’t make its visit to my cheeks but a mixture feeling presented, such a likeable guy yet intimidated in the way he stared with those eyes, mayhap owning to his different eye colors, one blue and one dark, I thought. This was the first time I saw a person possessed eyes like.. a cat… Then he turned back to HyunSeung, said something that made the shorter one shook his head resignedly.
“HyunSeung and Vince were such sexy guys, right?”
I looked up to meet a very nice looking lady, a Western one with long straight brown hair and sexy curves couldn’t be hidden under tight top and short skirt. However, her attitude seemed to be not relaxed for some reason that I conjectured must involve to one of the guys or both.
“Which one you want me to stay away?” – I shot back, whining silently for a typical antagonist in any romantic story which more than often, this detail was questioned in me that why an evil mind always in need.
“Vince!” – Her eyes glared to me.
“Jane, Vince is V’s!” – A guffaw from my left announced a appearance of a new character in this story. In my eyes now was a tall guy, lovely visage and though not able to be considered as handsome to beautiful, his warm eyes was sending friendliness which I guessed reliable. Typical funny guy was often the main character’s best friend and natural foe of main sub-female lead.
Noticed me, he looked straight into my face, introduced himself with a wide grin – “Son DongWoon.”
“Nice to meet you.” – I said.
“It’s none of your business!” – Hissed Jane to this sweet guy, who undoubtedly saved my ass from bullshit in my first day at this school. I looked up and not so hard to see fire was blazing between her eyes as a small child was pointed out her weakness.
“Of course, just acting a good classmate.” – He shrugged nonchalantly to her threatening.
Furiously, the girl swirled away after not forgetting to shot at me her last warning glare, though I found it childish instead of being intimidated. That flirting wink from the Vince guy indeed was a more complicated one. I couldn’t help but exhale tiredly, my life would be so miserable if this type of kiddy would roam in and out everyday.
“Ignore her. Jane is like a barking… you-know-what. She’s infatuated with Vince but the guy doesn’t care about her.” – DongWoon explained with humour in his tone as if he was laughing at her expense.
Awkwardness accompanied us in a couple of minutes before DongWoon asked – “I thought you want to know more about HyunSeung.”
“I don’t know if I want it.” – I replied honestly. In him, I sensed dissonance which provoked the nerves of my deepest blot, the one I scarcely dared to bring up.
The guy titled his head a bit, trying to figure out the puzzle in my sentence. Acknowledged it, I waved my hand, saying – “Forget it!”
“By the way, is there photography club in this school?” – I changed the subject.
“Of course, the Vince over there is Photography club’s leader.” – His eyes darted to the redhead.
“Vince…” – This name sounded very familiar to me, and an idea dawned in me. Quickly I asked – “Vincenté Vasilis?”
“Ah ha, you know him?”
“OMG!!! He’s very famous in semi-pro photography field, a raising star with his stunning photos. Especially pictures of his muse… But he’s never showed off his face so I had no idea he’s such a sexy guy. Anyway, isn’t he living in Euro…” – Before realized, I caught myself in a pursuit of my own thoughts as they reeled like a movie inside. The comprehension put me in awe, I guessed my face would be so funny at the moment. He’s my idol, but he didn’t manifest image of nice guy… mayhap.
“Has just moved here a couple of months, said nothing about it but rumour spread out that Valar got things to run in Korea. Don’t worry. Vince is a nice person. And the best thing is no flirting despite of that handsome face and talent. Gals like Jane drooled over him, hahaha.” – DongWoon laughed.
“Valar is the V you said earlier?”
“Yeah. His girlfriend. She sometimes visits our club. True beauty but rose always has thorns! Tell you what? This rose has toooooooooooooooo many thorns!”
HyunSeung in the far corner of my eyes was waving goodbye to Vince and started to glide to our spot. His intense gaze heartened my face.
“Talking about me? Or Vince?” – Asked HyunSeung, his lips seemed to always able to maintain that shape of crescent.
“Both.” – Said YoSeob, putting his word.
“I asked DongWoon-ssi about Photography club, that’s all.” – My mouth again today was unable to governed. Really, have to admit that we’re here gossiping about them was utterly embarrassed, especially in my first day. Building a good network was my goal which for now I was not sure if HyunSeung should have a slot. This allured boy turned every sensitive nerve of mine on whenever he was near with his gaze, specifically, the inexplainable nuances dwelled under that smooth skin.
“Ah…Let me ask you one thing. Do you really like photography?” – He asked, his tone elicited in me a feeling of being interrogated despite of its fervent hint, I still cordially hated it.
“It’s not your issue. Am I right?” – Said I, words stumbled uncensored.
“Hahahaha…” – HyunSeung laughed, revealed his snagged-tooth which added more charm on that face. Okay, admittedly, I envied.
“Look, Vince has little fondness for irksome people who yearn for attention via their photos as proofs of being superior.” – The way he explained to me sounded like a homily, his lips was quivering slightly to stifle the amusement underneath. I wondered my response was that funny??!?! – “If you really love it, then I can introduce you to Vince. He’s a good instructor. Don’t listen to this guy, V is jealous but she’s not an irrational person. By the way, Vince won’t do anything suspicious to intrigue scandal.” – Halted there, he glanced to DongWoon who was pretending to not hear anything right next to him. A smirk again appeared on his face.
“Really?” – Agitated tone betrayed my calm posture.
He nodded – “I can backstab anyone but him.” – Winked and grinned but a chill still creeped up my spine with his sentence.
“Huh?” – I inhaled sharply with an O shape mouth and widen eyes…
DongWoon fell on his back while HyungSeung lay on the table, head buried in his folding arms, shoulders trembling uncontrolledly, laughing like crazy while my face’s expression slowly changed from normal to paler shade and finally completely transformed into the sun was setting color… Everyone’s head, without announcement already turned this direction of us. I knew it T_____T My face must look like a clown with that “endemic” expression, additionally, he had been joked around.
“You guys…” – I finally fetched out a sigh under a white flag in front of them. My first day at this school was absolutely… racy.
I told HyunSeung today my parents wanted my appearance at home right after school, thus tomorrow I’ll meet Vince. He just shrugged and said goodbye. In fact, I lied to him for two reasons. Firstly, since brand new to Seoul after several years, roaming the city alone with a camera in hands would be so much cozy. Photography was not my hobby from beginning but 4 years ago, after HyunYu’s accident, I started to pick up her hobby and gradually to eventually ended up with in love with capturing special moments and fascinated images of nature and life itself. Through years, I had collected for myself a big folder of photos of where my family had passed as well as people in those places. That’s why I loved Vince’s works, every image of his represented his soul and oftentimes, the young man ignored regular rules hence successfully created many mesmerised photos.
Secondly, I’d not yet wanted to be closed to HyunSeung. Beyond my comprehension, it felt like losing mental equilibrium whenever his eyes swept over me. Honestly saying, his being reminded me so much about memories of HyunYu….
After one hour walking around the city’s centre, my feet led me back to where my new house was dwelling and when traversing a small alley, a painful sound intruded my peacefulness.
In front of my eyes, a small group of five to six men were gathering, three crouching on the hard earth, one facing his face to me and the other sitting on the trash bin. Seemed to sense my present, the sitting one turned his head to me and the familiar pretty face smiled to me nonchalantly. With such a person who had witnessed countless bullies, my feet were questionably numbed as gluing my eyes to his emotionless ones, seeing them reflected myself through smokes…/..
Author’s note: Hi guys, this is my first endeavour to write a fiction in the first-person view to refresh myself. Honestly saying, as person who has planet Mercury landed in 3rd House astrologically, I must fly from one to another thing to keep everything in fervid level.
So I am here waiting for you guys’ strict comments with hope to be able to improve my writing.
Deeply appreciation from me!